Caving In

Sometimes things feel like that...like life is caving in. I think I am learning to work with that...that caving in feeling. There has been a lot going on that's far too private to share, but it's been rather stressful behind the scenes. I spent a long time talking to my Mom last night on the way home from dinner with Grampa last night. My mother is most certainly biased - she IS my mother, but she gives me very good advice and provides very good feedback when I need honesty. It was good to get some clarity, and she helped me feel good about a lot of things.

I often struggle with the worry that maybe I don't have my priorities in the right place, or maybe my choices aren't right, am I being the best person I can be, how can I tighten up my shortcomings? I don't know if other people share these struggles, but I feel like I'm hanging halfway out of a tornado. It's a tough place to be, for sure. I've had to watch a couple of people deal with things that have been life-threatening lately, and it sure puts some things into perspective, although somehow it doesn't really help me answer all my own questions just yet. But that's ok. (My marriage is solid, so that's not my stressor at all, don't fret.) I've been pulled in so many directions lately that I can't tell if I am coming or going. Every one of my obligations are my choice, but these choices are important and have demanded a considerable amount of attention. So my friends, if you are feeling neglected or distanced from me, I just ask that you bear with me. I am still organizing my life and figuring out how it all fits together. I'm learning how to be a wife and a student and have study time and carry a full time job and be a good Aunt to seven really great kids, not to mention the children of my friends, and balance relationships with family and friends. And oh yeah...my constant struggle with my weight and finding time at the gym - no small task in itself. I love all of these things, but it is a bit of a juggling act at times, and I've never been one to have a great deal of balance. Somewhere among all of these things is a need to have some time for myself. That seems to be in very short supply, and I am definitely depleted.

Here's the thing: Sometimes a girl just needs to put things into the universe and not have things solved for her. For me, this is today. Just needing to take these things off my shoulders and put them into the universe. You don't have to worry about me, because I am okay. I'm just in a different phase of my life and I have found out that I am becoming a student in my own life and not just in the classroom.

Although it is hardly a solution, I have scheduled myself a day at my favorite spa. It's time for a facial, a massage, a manicure, and most likely after that, a big nap. :) See? I still have my sense of humor! This isn't a gloom and doom post...just a real need to take the weight off my shoulders for a bit. I've decided that one lesson I have learned is that it's important to be kind to people, because we don't know what burdens they carry on their own. And we don't always need others to carry our burdens, but it's just good to have someone you care about to walk beside so that when you think it's too heavy to bear you can look over and see that you aren't walking alone. I am lucky...I'm not walking alone. That realization alone means it's a good day. :)