The Mondays

I have a case of the Mondays today...didn't want to get up or go to work. (I did want to work out, so that was great!) However, coming to work and then knowing I have to go to school tonight wears me out! That's okay...two weeks from Wednesday I will be done with summer school!! Then it's on to San Francisco for a week of R&R and then back to school for the regular semester, which I really am looking forward to. Much more pleasant pace! I have to go to summer school next year, but it will be worth it to knock that stuff out of the way. I'll probably be taking biology and one more class, but I don't know what that will be just yet. I'll figure it out.

I reached a great milestone Saturday...I've lost 51 pounds now! I still have a long way to go, but I sure feel great about I've accomplished so far! I'm doing another 5K on September 12th, and I am hoping to beat my last time of 59:32. (Hopefully that won't be a problem!) Last time the course was quite hilly, but this one is over here by work and the course is flat. That should help me a lot.

I got my hair cut Saturday and got to visit with Christy and baby Abby...that little girl is getting so big and beautiful!! I just love chubby little babies!!

That's it for today. Gotta get some work done. Ugh!

Bringing Cleo Home

We had Cleo cremated, and we picked up her remains on Saturday morning. It was hard, but it was comforting to have her with us. She is in a beautiful wooden box with her name engraved on the top, and there was also a note from the service that took care of her. It told us that we were in their prayers, and that they sent their deepest sympathies. It was very thoughtful, and also comforting to think they had taken such good care of her. I still miss her so much my heart aches, but the tears are flowing less frequently now and I think I managed to keep myself composed most days.

It really is comforting to have her with us, although I know her little spirit is in Heaven. Somehow it's helpful to have something tangible to represent that little angel here on earth.

I hope everyone can enjoy a little rain today. :)

What Am I Willing To Do Today?

That's what I am asking myself daily now. What am I willing to do today to make myself better? Today, I have decided that I am willing to go to the gym when I get home even though I decided I was going to give myself a break. I don't need a break, I need to do some cardio. I have done more weights this week and less cardio, and I need to make it balanced. So I am going home, changing clothes, and getting my workout done. (We don't actually have class, but I have a study group coming over at 6pm.)

So I am committing to getting that done. It needs to happen, and I am making it happen.

I am also willing to give myself some praise. I have been through the wringer lately, and never once turned to food for comfort. I have ditched old behaviors, and it's a big victory for me. So I need to figure out something small but nice to do for myself. Any suggestions?

I think that's what I want to remind everyone today...do something nice for yourself. A little kindness can go a long way!

Trending Towards Better

Some days are better than others, and right now I think we're doing better. David leaves town today and will be gone until Friday, and I have been dreading being alone at home. Normally it's fine, but I know I will really feel the emptiness this time. My Cleo won't be there to fill that space. Zak and Kaylee are wonderful, but after 17 years with Cleo, it will be a long time before I can get used to her absence. But on the whole, I think I am better.

I feel exhausted today. I didn't sleep well and I don't know why. I took this morning off from the gym, and my body needed it. I had worked out pretty hard the last 3 days, and my body is pretty sore.

I honestly don't have much news. Just wanted to update the blog. Everyone stay out of the heat!

The End Of A Very Long Week

I am tired, to say the least. It's been the hardest week I've had in a very long time, but somehow we managed through. Without David, I don't know how I would have been able to get out of bed each day. Somehow, we found comfort in a routine, so we've been working out in the mornings and just trying to push forward. We miss our Cleo. It's harder than I ever imagined, and I always imagined it would be devastating. But I don't regret letting her go. It was just her time. She lived a very long and full life, she travelled, lived in other parts of the country with me, road tripped, and made it through break ups, bad dates, and my general nuttiness. This kitty was a real trooper. And I loved every moment I had with her.

So now for news that is about other things...I honestly don't have much. I am meeting Kim for dinner this evening, and I am looking forward to it. Tomorrow we're meeting our friends Jake and Diane for dinner, and Sunday we're taking it easy. I have a Spanish test Monday, so I'll need to study for that, but it's going to be a lot of relaxing during the day this weekend. I think we need it. :)

I hope everyone has a good weekend!

A Little Numb

That pretty much sums it up...I just feel kind of numb and hazy today. I've been sleeping, but I wake up and I don't feel rested. I think I really need that...some good rest. I think we're doing better, but I still find myself glancing in Cleo's spots around the house, waiting for her to come out from under the end table and announce to her staff (that would be me and David) that she is ready to eat and we need to hop to it. :) That would be a very Cleo thing to do.

I really do love reading the cards we've gotten from friends and from the vet's office. They wrote a personal note to us and it was so lovely. Everyone has been so kind and understanding, and I am so thankful. God has blessed us with a lot of wonderful people around us.

I am going to try and start talking about other things going on, as I know life keeps happening around us even though we are still grieving. I did end up with an "A" in 1st semester Spanish, so I am back in class this week taking the second semester. It's going to be a little tougher and I think I am going to have to work harder this time around, but that's okay. The professor (same one I had before) is giving us more homework, which is probably a good thing. It gives us more practice and I think I need it. We took a quiz the other day and I missed a couple that surprised me, so at least I know what I need to review.

I've still been working out this week. It's been really hard to muster up the energy to do it, but if I don't I think it would be bad. I've always been an emotional eater, and this would have been blown out of the water otherwise, although I haven't been very hungry this week. I am glad we've still been going to the gym and trying to maintain some semblance of a routine. It's been good for us both.

I'm going to wrap it up for today. I promise to try and lighten things up as much as I can...thanks for allowing me to indulge in the sadness this week. Anyone who knows me at all knows how incredibly attached I was to Cleo, so this has been hard. But if you'll pray for us, we'll do our very best to let God's healing move through us and help us move forward into more joyful, happy memory-filled days.

How Do I Do This?

This pain in my heart weighs on my chest like an anvil, and I keep wondering how I will get through each day without Cleo. I keep looking for her in all her little places in the house that she liked to nap. David and talk often about what silly things she would do to make us laugh. She was truly a diva, and I wouldn't change that for anything. She was more than a cat...much more. She was my friend, and for a long time she was my main companion. When David came into our lives, she took to him the moment she met him, and she loved him fiercely. We'd sit on the couch and she'd climb over me to get to his lap so he could pet her. (I love that!) She loved to get into the shower and lick the beads of water off the wall, or curl up in the sink right when I needed to turn the water on. She loved the sound of the cat food can opening, and she would let you know very clearly when she was ready to eat. She liked wet food with lots of gravy...she'd lick the gravy up and leave the part you had to chew for later.

There are a million quirks and silly things about her that I will miss. Her big green eyes, her poofy cheeks, her rumbly purr. I keep wondering how I can make it through each day without a total breakdown...so far, I haven't. She was with me for almost 17 years, and I will grieve the loss of this beautiful creature for a long time. She was unlike any other.

I'll just keep asking God to help us heal. And maybe her sweet little spirit will surround us from time to time and remind us that the ones we love never really leave us, but live on in our hearts forever.

Goodnight, Sweet Princess.

Cleopatra passed away yesterday leaving both David and I with broken hearts. She passed away in my arms, and am glad I could be there to help her go peacefully. Her kidneys were failing her and she was so weak and tired. Anyone who knows me knows how much she meant, and I can tell you that I will be grieving hard for quite a while. I feel lost without her, and I don't know what to do with myself. I know time will ease the pain, but right now it hangs on me like a storm cloud. I loved her with all my heart, and she was not just a cat but my companion for so long. I was blessed with 17 years with her, and I know she's in Heaven with my grandmother.

Rest peacefully, sweet baby Cleo. Mommy loves you.

Cleopatra Willis

October 4, 1992 - July 5, 2009

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together

-Author unknown

41 Is The Magic Number!

I've lost 41 pounds now!! Holy cow!! I am so excited, and I sure feel good about that! It's been a lot of hard work and sweat at the gym, but there have been so many personal triumphs along the way that make it all worthwhile. For the first time ever, I worked out (twice) on vacation, I have completed a 5K in under an hour, and I have been able to do more than I ever have at the gym. And besides, I eat much healthier and feel so much better! I am so grateful for all the love and support I am getting, even from people I don't know. :) It sure makes it easier when you know you have a group of people in your life to cheer you on!

Things are good. I am between semesters at school but it starts right back up on Monday. It's not a bad deal to get 8 hours of classes out of the way in 10 weeks!

Everyone have a safe and fun holiday weekend!

Feeling Good!

I've had a wonderful week, and it's only Wednesday! We had a really fun weekend in South Padre, and I got to really relax and unwind. We came home Sunday, and Monday I was home working on a project for my Spanish class. I gave my presentation Monday night and got a 100 on it! Then Tuesday morning I was at the gym working hard and had just sat down on one of the machines to work on my legs when I noticed a gentleman coming over. I assumed he was going to ask me if I would be long on the machine, but boy was I wrong! He was a tall man about my father's age, and he proceeded to tell me that he had been noticing over the last couple of months that I was making tremendous progress and that even though he didn't know me he was proud of me! I could have cried tears of joy! We talked for a few minutes, and just that one man made my whole day brighter! I felt so proud of myself, and my will to work hard got even stronger!! So needless to say I have been walking on clouds ever since then!! It really was very motivating!

I am so proud of Kim...she is training for her 5K!! Hers is in a few weeks and I am eager to hear how she does. I have a long way to go before I am running the majority of a 5K, but I told Kim that I'd like to do one with her next year. Maybe I can talk her into the 3-Day with me...(what do you think, Kim?)

I took my Spanish final tonight and I think I did pretty well. The second summer session begins Monday, so no rest for the weary. But it's okay...I am knocking out 8 hours this summer and that feels pretty darn good!

I hope everyone has a wonderful 4th of July! My cousin, Ashley, is coming to stay with us Friday and Saturday, and we're taking her to David's parents house with us to enjoy the family party. It's going to be a lovely weekend!