An Open Letter To Britney Spears

Britney,

The whole world seemed to wait for you to have an awesome performance last night on the VMAs...people are cheering for you to succeed and show everyone that you're a born performer and not as crazy as the tabloids say you are.

Oh girl, your train totally derailed last night.

What the heck happened? First of all, you were lipsynching...you couldn't even get that right! Were you stoned or drunk? Your eyes were vacant, and you literally stumbled through your performance. And hair extensions...you make enough money to go get some good extensions. You looked awful! I hear you like to do your own makeup...did you do the extensions yourself, too? You looked like you had checked out way before you even got onstage.

The song itself isn't so bad. It has a good enough groove to dance to at a club, so I'm not blaming you for bad music. (I kinda like the song!) But seriously, I think what the world wants for you is first and foremost that you get sober. It's VERY evident that you have some sort of substance abuse issue. (c'mon...even Lindsey attempts rehab!) You have two kids that need parents. K-Fed is looking like a very responsible parent compared to you, girl. Quit acting a fool and get yourself together. If we never see another performance from you again, let it be because you decided that being a good mother is what your #1 priority should be. (You know, you can still be a great mom and pop star! It's possible!) Next, you need to wear clothes that work for your body. Let's face it...the sparkly bra and boy shorts don't go with the beer belly. (And I'm not judging about weight...I'm just suggesting more body-appropriate clothes!) There are plenty of looks that would have been much better for you. And if you can't stand up on your own, don't wear your best hooker-heels to dance in.

You had a lot of people cheering for you. You let everyone down. Girl, you should have cancelled your performance and stayed home with the kids. I just don't see a "comeback" happening for you. You need to get right with your family and get yourself together. You only get one shot at life...try to do it right.