Becoming Who I Want To Be

I've always wanted to see myself as more of a physically active person. Maybe even athletic, although none of that has really ever described me very well. It was something I wanted but I never really worked for it, so I guess I didn't want it too much after all. I have always been the heavy girl, and somehow I learned to live with that. I wasn't okay with it, but I managed to accept that because I had friends who loved me for who I was. (Am I am so thankful for that, believe me!) I am blessed with a husband who loves me for me and I allowed myself to just accept that.

Until now.

Now, I am really wanting to see myself make those changes. I really WANT this so much...I want to see myself differently. It's not about aesthetics this time. It's about being healthy and active. And athletic. I still have fears about going to classes at the gym. There is a Sunday Yoga class that I'd like to try, but I'm really just not ready yet. The difference is that I know I will get there when I am ready. I can feel my attitude about fitness changing. I think I might be evolving slowly into someone who refuses to miss her workouts. I was concerned this morning that with David gone and not there to help motivate me at 4:30 in the morning that I might not get myself to the gym, but I did it!! I hit snooze once, but I did it. And that is a HUGE change for me! The old me would have decided that no one had to know, but the new me says that even if no one else knows, I will know and I am only in this for myself. No one cares as much about my weight loss as I do, so I would only let myself down. And I went, and it felt good!!

Now I am at work and enjoying a breakfast of cottage cheese and an orange. I have my meals planned out, and I am feeling really on top of things. I have wondered why I waited so long to get myself back into this place, and I don't have an answer for that. But I only care that I am in my zone now, and going strong. Maintaining that mindset won't always be so easy, but the key is pushing through. I sometimes imagine Jillian Michaels in my head when I am on the treadmill. Sometimes I just want to stop, but then I hear her telling me that a quitter would never reach her goals.

I'm not a quitter. Not this time. I'm finally in the right frame of mind and I'm in this for the long haul. And I like it!

Besides...for once in my life I'd like to my husband's arm candy! ;-)