Wednesday, September 28, 2005

A Sense of Normal

Today was the day we laid my beautiful Gran to rest. I was waiting all day for this to be when I just broke down and lost it, but that hasn't happened yet. The funeral was lovely, and I am sure that my Gran would have been pleased, but would have told us we were all foolish to make such a fuss over her. (and she would have most definitely used the word foolish!) We were so pleasantly surprised at the turnout of people. And three of my dearest and most special friends came out to offer their support, so a very special thank you to Mia, Joseph and Kevin. Words simply cannot express how much it meant to have you share this day with me. My Grampa summed it up perfectly: It was a sad and happy day today. My Gran always used to say that if we felt a breeze on the back of our necks at the funeral it was her. When we stood in the sweltering heat at the grave, Joseph lifted my hair off my neck as my cousin, Jen, asked me if I could feel it...a strong breeze came from nowhere, and I know it was my Gran doing just as she promised me. It was a small sign I had been hoping for all week, so it was a special moment for me. I feel peaceful right now, but I have my ups and downs. I am looking forward to getting back to some sense of normal. My Wednesdays were always spent with my Gran, but my Grampa and I are going to start having dinner every week. He's a great man and I love him so much.

It was good for me to sit down and read all my friends' blogs and see that there are other things going on in the world. I miss my daily interactions with so many of you. Don't be surprised to hear from me in the next few days as I start to re-enter the real world again. Everything has been such a blur. My cousin and I are going to get together when he gets off work tomorrow night and hang out. His wife is out of town and I think he may be feeling lost like me. It's a strange feeling when you truly don't know what to do with yourself and you don't know what you need.

So forgive me if I digress from time to time and talk about my Gran. I really like to keep things silly and fun here, but she is such an important part of my life. I know my last few posts have been downers, but things are looking up. I also want to say thanks to everyone who has so kindly offered condolences. I appreciate every kind word and thought more than I can ever say. Please know that I thank God for you all. You have helped me through a very painful time for me. And Blonde, I appreciate so much the connection we share. Thank you again for your support.

Tomorrow Mom and I are making cookies to take to the nursing home staff as a thank you. If you could see the love and respect with which they treated my Gran, you would love them as much as I do. :) How nice to know there are people like that in the world!

Have a wonderful day and hugs to each and every one of you out there!

2 comments:

Jessica said...

I just want to be able to give you an enormous hug right now! We miss you!
Lots of Love!

Blonde said...

The story about your Gran's "sign" that she was there with is so touching. My dad died a year ago and I always have signs that he is still here with me.

Sending you a big hug and smile! Your strength is amazing.

Take care,