Wednesday, October 26, 2005

It Finally Happened.

As many of you well know, I've been going around for the last month talking about how I kept waiting for the big sobbing breakdown over losing my Gran. I don't have to wait anymore. It happened today. Here. At work. I hate that. I don't cry at work.

Except today I did. And it sucks.

I wasn't having a stellar morning to start with, but then around 9am, I just lost it. And wouldn't you know it would happen with a bunch of people in my cube. And they're all wonderful people who wanted to hug me and comfort me, but all I could think about was running out of my office and out the door and never looking back. One woman even kissed my head. Yeah, I don't want some crazy woman with red lipstick kissing my forehead. That didn't help anything. But I thanked them anyhow. They all understood why I was so broken right then, and after a few minutes they finally left me alone to sob. I couldn't go to the ladies' room because I wasn't about to let anyone see me like that. So I sat and cried off my mascara. By the way, I look like shit now. Even 4 hours later, I still look like I cried recently. Mostly because of my makeup. I will not be leaving the house again without my makeup bag. I just had powder and gloss with me. Doesn't really help right now, huh?

So anyhow, that explains my morning mood in my earlier post. I'm better now, but still feeling quiet and a little sad. I guess this is just part of the process. I miss Gran.

2 comments:

daisyduke said...

Get yourself a gallon of good cold water, and start drinking...nothing worse (well, yeah, there are worse things, but who needs another one now??) than that after crying headache.
I hope you find some comfort in the love of your friends...isn't it strange, though..without grief, there is no comfort~
I loved my Grandmother like crazy when she was alive, and now that she's gone I love her just as much and on top of that I get to miss her, too.
I hope you don't stay sad too long~

Blonde said...

I understand your meltdown. I did not cry at my dad's funeral or during the whole dying process. I had a uncontrolable meltdown a month after he died. I am talking can't get out of bed to even shower and do nothing but sob meltdown.

It is all part of the process. Take care of yourself!